Oh Sh*t!

So, there we were, soaking up the rays, and getting sand in places where sand ain’t supposed to be. After a leisurely breakfast, and a dip in the pool, we were knackered (why is doing nothing so tiring?). So we strolled back to the villa to give the little one (and the two big ones) a nap. 
Lucia was staying in a cot in our bedroom, so we drew the curtains, stripped her down to her nappy so she wouldn’t be too hot, and plonked her down. We chatted in the living room for 20 minutes, to give her a chance to nod off before we snuck in too. When all went quiet, I cracked open the door, and peeked inside… to reveal a sight that still chills me to this day. 
Lucia was sitting up in her cot. Her nappy had been pulled open, and the bountiful contents scooped out in big handfuls, and smeared all over her chest. She was literally wearing a poo suit. She looked up at me, held up her crap-coated hands, and cried: ‘Oh Noooooooooooooooooooo!!’ ‘Run a bath,’ I shouted to Dan. ‘Why?’ he asked, coming to the door. His face froze, then fell. ‘Right away,’ he mumbled, sprinting to the bathroom. I scoured Lucia’s body for a square inch of flesh that wasn’t caked in excrement. There wasn’t one. So I took a deep breath, said a little prayer, and grabbed her. 
The bath was still filling up, so I sat her on the floor of the shower and angled the jets towards her. But the droplets just ran straight off her poo suit, which seemed to be made of some kind of water-resistant superhuman shit, the likes of which I’d never seen before (and hope to never see again). I had to actually dig my hands into it, and peel it off her skin in thick clay-like strips. It was one of those parental horror stories you assume are urban myths – until they actually happen to you. 
Finally, my little girl emerged from her chrysalis of crap, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. I transferred her to the bath, and gave her a final scrub down, while Dan stripped the cot. Finally, clean and fresh smelling again, Lucia went down for her nap, while Dan and I sat in the lounge, twitching from PTSD (Post Traumatic Shit Disorder). Who says motherhood isn’t glamorous??

6 Comments

  1. Sandy Calico - June 11, 2010

    Poo suit. *Tries not to laugh* *Fails*
    Brilliant post!

  2. Hayley - June 11, 2010

    LOL! I’m sorry hun but the way you described that was hysterical! And so like some moments I’ve had with J! He had a tendancy to have nappies explode! It wasnt pretty! Many a bath strip down happened! I feel your pain :D xx

  3. nudieprincess - June 13, 2010

    Hahaha. Crying with laughter. I love a good s*** story (sorry, I’m a nurse- my sense of humour/ick factor is on a different scale to most peoples). I wrote a post about s*** kids ruin, but it didn’t involve actual s***. I am frankly amazed this has not happened to me given my little dudes track record. Brilliant.

  4. Anonymous - June 14, 2010

    Great writing! You make it sound so funny! Have to admit that I haven’t experienced this yet! I hope I never do. Great Blog keep it up!

  5. Mummy's Little Monkey - June 16, 2010

    Sandy: We can laugh about it now – though I def still feel slightly traumatised. Great story to tell at Lucia’s 21st birthday though…

    Hayley: Some times it’s not even worth trying to clean them up, is it? You literally have to chuck ‘em in the bath, and hose them down!

    Nudieprincess: My sister is a nurse too and NOTHING embarrasses her, or grosses her out.

    Anonymous: It is actually very funny afterwards – but not quite so much at the time! I sincerely hope you manage to escape without enduring a similar experience… but I wouldn’t hold my breath!!!Sandy: We can laugh about it now – though I def still feel slightly traumatised. Great story to tell at Lucia’s 21st birthday though…

    Hayley: Some times it’s not even worth trying to clean them up, is it? You literally have to chuck ‘em in the bath, and hose them down!

    Nudieprincess: My sister is a nurse too and NOTHING embarrasses her, or grosses her out. I must admit I’m pretty poo-proof these days – but a gal can only take so much shit!!

    Anonymous: It is actually very funny afterwards – but not quite so much at the time! I sincerely hope you manage to escape without enduring a similar experience… but I wouldn’t hold my breath!!!

  6. Elle Beere - November 11, 2012

    Hahahah! This just came up as a ‘You Might Like’ on a post, and I had to click it.

    Just when I thought my sicky hand was bad! I instantly assume when little one wakes up that her dummy has come out, so there I was, searching for the dummy to put back in her mouth (glow in the dark dummies are life savers, sometimes), and I located it, picked it up and dropped it instantly! It was covered in gloopy sick. That was an exciting 3am bath for my little one!

    Young Mummy xxx

    talesofayoungmummy.blogpsot.com

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